It’s been some time since I’ve posted up here on the blog. And let me tell you, it’s not for the lack of desire or the lack of content… I have plenty of both. It’s probably more due to the fact that I have so much to process these days and sort through – what to write about now, how to organize my thoughts, what is really important… these are all things running through my head regularly.
So lets kick this off with an update that all of you have been waiting for. Many of you already know what is coming in this blog post and others may not. And while some may feel better and have a true understanding following this post, there are others that really couldn’t care less. And for those people, I’ll just say you may not want to read anymore here anyway!
December 19th, 2018. It was just over a week ago that we rolled back into Minnesota with all of our humble belongings in tow… AGAIN! For those that are REALLY paying attention, you may remember that it was EXACTLY 10 years ago on this same date we arrived in Minnesota the first time after moving from Delaware. No, we did not set that date on purpose, it just worked out that way. I “announced” our plans to family and some friends before we left Florida (back in November) when we made the decision to return north and started our planning. I even put a short post of Facebook about it. That announcement met mixed reviews from some, raving applause from others and complete silence from some too. Sure, there is a “WHY” in all of this and I am getting to that.
Not to re-hash our history again but most of you know we moved to Florida to allow Shane to gain entry to the Els Center of Excellence in Jupiter, FL. The school for Autistic children and teenagers is due to branch out into their Adult Services in the near future. We were encouraged by what the programming here was set up to do and we moved forward believing this would be a fantastic opportunity for Shane to thrive as an adult. Until that time he would be in the school as a student continuing to learn and develop any and all skills he could work on. This was the hope. This was our goal. This presented a lot of uncertainty. This was not going to be easy. This got prolonged every month. This was ultimately not going to happen.
We sat in the waiting room at the Dentist office in early November while Shane was having surgery on his mouth (that is worthy of another blog post!) when we received the disheartening email notifying us that the next lottery for Els Center would not be held until May of 2019 and, if selected, Shane would potentially start in August of 2019. In addition, Shane would be entered into a “work-study” program which we were completely unaware of. I remember saying out loud “Oh Shit” and tossing my phone on the table. Brooke looked up and asked “What? What’s wrong?”. I told her she should check her email too and she did. She read the same email but came away with nothing, unable to even say “Oh Shit” at that time. I think it was more of the shock of the email. The stunned look on her face said plenty! Pretty basic in routine and response from the school, but nonetheless it was an email that would direct us to through the next 24-48 hours of uncertainty. Shane came out of surgery well enough and we headed home to rest and get him settled. Brooke and I both needed to digest the news from the school and keep an eye on Shane for the rest of the day.
That evening before dinner Brooke and I had a chance to talk together about our current status in Florida and what we were doing and what we needed to do moving forward. She came right out and asked “Do you want to move back to Minnesota?”. I took a second, looked over at her and said “Yes. I don’t think we have a choice”. We proceeded to review several topics and get ideas formulated of what that means and if it is really possible. As much as we thought about, planned out, accounted for and worked for the move to Florida; we knew it was going to be even harder to get back to Minnesota. Ultimately, after we talked through scenario after scenario, we decided to talk to the girls and get their input. Brooke and I were already under the consensus that we should return at some point. After dinner that same evening we gathered the girls into our bedroom (the one we’d been sharing with Shane) and had a little chat about the potential move. Brooke and I could get a sense of relief right away on the faces of Ryan and Delaney. They had seen and lived through the struggles of the previous 5 months and they were always a part of the conversations we have had up until that point. But they both smiled right away. Both of them had big eyes of excitement. And both of them jumped in with questions “When?” “Where?” “How?” and many more. Soon enough we were going to be able to answer those questions but for the moment we were all content to agree that returning to Minnesota was going to be in the best interest of us as a family.
I bet it’s right about now you may be wondering something like “Aren’t there other schools in Florida for Shane?” “What else could you have done?” “Did you really have to move back to Minnesota?”. As these are valid questions in some form of another, I don’t want to attempt to answer every potential question in a blog post (email me or message me, I’ll reply). Anyway, come to find out when we moved to Florida, there are very limited services for the Autistic community, especially older age groups, in Palm Beach County – let alone even near Jupiter where we lived. The local Public schools offered “services” but those are not specialized to meet Shane’s needs. Our hands were tied there. Brooke was unable to go to work as she had to be home with Shane (since not in school) and do her best to keep her sanity, and Shane’s too, during this time. Our hands were tied there. Getting additional support from the State of Florida was not happening and the waitlist for additional services could be years (we eventually found out). Our hands were tied there. Living in Palm Beach County, FL is financially challenging as a family of 5 with one income. Thankfully, as you know, we were graciously given the opportunity to live at Brooke’s parents house. We only hoped for this to be through the summer but it lasted longer when Shane didn’t get into school and Brooke couldn’t work and we could not afford to find a place of our own in the area. So we stayed where we were and did our best to live out of each other’s way – all 7 of us in a 3 BR house. It was tough. We made it what we could. We still laughed a lot. We still had some great meals together. We still were able to all shower and shave when we needed. We still survived.
When we looked at the reasons to return to Minnesota the first thing was opportunity for Shane. He would be able to return to his previous school where he did well. We know he could go there until he turned 21. Until that time we know we have to double down on planning a future for Shane outside of District 287 in Minnesota. With Shane able to attend school in Minnesota eventually, that meant that Brooke would be able to find work again. With Shane back in Minnesota we know the services and financial supports for his needs were in place and once we re-applied and updated his status (he’s technically an adult now) he would have more supports available to him. We knew that Delaney would thrive again in school with so many of her closest friends at Orono. We knew that Ryan could return to BLVD Kitchen and Bar or eventually transfer with Barnes and Noble where she worked in Florida. And doing what she does so well… she could continue to be inspired to write (and get some stuff published). I knew that I would have to find new work as well considering there were no job opportunities with 5.11 Tactical at the time in Minnesota to transfer to. But the job outlook for someone with my experience was more open in Minnesota than in Florida… and we already knew the pay scale was better in Minnesota.
So there is the nutshell of reasoning behind the move and some of the motivations behind why we went to Florida to start with and why we eventually returned to Minnesota almost 7 months later. Despite the stress and anxiety each of us has been through for various reasons – we are still together as a family. We are back in Minnesota on our own terms on our own path this time and we will find ways to thrive and be successful – each of us.
Thank you and Happy New Year to you all! Come back soon for another update (yes, I have another one in the works already).
I've Been Thinking 